Reasons Not to Assassinate Pat Robertson
Many learned people have recently pointed out what a great benefit it would be to both America and the world if Pat Robertson were assassinated. The benefits of swift assassination have been laid out...
View ArticleThe New U.S. Declaration of Independence [satire]
"Three cheers to Wanker and the other framers of this new Declaration of Independence! We Americans are sick of submitting to the small-minded and carping limitations that liberals and Europeans seek...
View ArticleImpeachment in a Nutshell: Prodding the Moderates
Just now there are many otherwise mild-mannered Americans out there who are seriously pissed by the news of the Bush Administration's warrantless surveillance program. But they are also, many of them,...
View ArticleBush Regency Declared; Powell Comes out of the Closet: Predictions for 2006
I know it's kind of late for this, the year has already started and all, but I'd temporarily misplaced my crystal ball. Now that I've got it safely here in front of me again, I can get back to...
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Alternative to Impeachment: A Modest Proposal
[This editorial double posted as follows at The Manhattan Reichstag Review:] * * *FACING THE TOUGH QUESTION* * *"How much power should they have?" asks the current Newsweek cover. As soon as I saw it...
View ArticleDubya joke
A few decades from now, in prison for crimes against humanity, George W. Bush finally dies at the age of 87. Obviously he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do,"...
View ArticleBush Apologizes for Airstrike Deaths, Explains Policy
[Reported at The Disassociated Press.] U.S. President George W. Bush apologized to the people of Pakistan today for the deaths caused by a missile strike aimed at a top-ranking al Qaeda figure. The...
View ArticleCheney Shooting Legally Justified: Attorney General Gonzales
A Disassociated Press Report U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales today argued that Vice-President Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of Harry Whittington while quail hunting was legally justified....
View ArticleThe Iraq War Catechism: Uplifting Soundbites to Remember
(In memory of Flann O'Brien.)Q: What kind of a loving people are we? A: A peace-loving people.Q: And who are you either with or against? A: Us.
View ArticleAdmit No Mistakes: Bush to Supporters
A Disassociated Press Report, Washington, D.C. U.S. President George W. Bush today assured supporters that he would continue to offer them upbeat rhetoric no matter what disasters may occur in the...
View ArticleU.S. Missiles Strike Canary Islands
A Disassociated Press Report, Washington, D.C., March 12, 2006 U.S. President George W. Bush today announced that his administration had ordered missile strikes on the Canary Islands, a Spanish...
View ArticleBush to Eat Crow at Gala Dinner
I don't know why Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld haven't been formally invited to an Eat Crow Gala Dinner. Such an event, if done well, would be an excellent way to bring home to voters the colossal policy...
View ArticleTerror Panic Spreads through Heartland
The Department of Homeland Security on Friday raised the terror alert level to orange in the wake of an increase in reports of suspicious objects in various locales across the US, according to...
View ArticleAl Qaeda Launches jPhone
Trying to catch the wave generated by Apple’s new iPhone, al Qaeda yesterday launched its new jPhone in three different Mideast trouble spots. The jPhone, short for “jihadPhone,” went on sale...
View ArticleHigh-IQ Residents Evacuated before Palin Speech
U.S. Department of Education officials today ordered all educated residents of the city of New Haven to evacuate before a dangerous upcoming campaign stop by Alaska Governor and Republican VP nominee...
View ArticleMcCain Touts Long-standing Ties to Crooks, Lobbyists
Senator claims “access is key” to solving nation’s financial problemsRepublican presidential nominee John McCain made a last appeal to voters today before announcing his refusal to debate in the wake...
View ArticleObama Stuck Gum Under Desks: McCain
Republican presidential candidate John McCain today raised troubling new questions about the judgment of his Democratic rival Barack Obama. Speaking at a campaign stop in Waukesha, Wisconsin, McCain...
View ArticleThe Palin Rite
A faintly electric popping hum suffuses the air, a televised feeling as if the anxiously swaying crowd stuffed in this arena were not quite real, as if the pinkish bulk they each and every one of them...
View ArticleTo Eat Crow By: Election Limericks!
A little something to send your right-wing friends:BONJOUR, AMERICA!Let’s raise up a glass to Barack Who broke the Republican lock Cuz we’re trillions in debt And our troops aren’t home yet From a war...
View ArticleFeed 'em some Crow with these Election Limericks!
A little something for kossacks to send to right-wing friends/relatives on this unbelievable day:BONJOUR, AMERICA!Let’s raise up a glass to Barack Who broke the Republican lock Cuz we’re trillions in...
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